traveling solo saved my identity.

If you know me personally, you’ll know I’m rarely alone. I love being around friends, family, strangers, anyone really! I love the energy that is created between people. I’m an extrovert, so I feed off that sh*t hahahaha. But really though, I love the company. And being alone has always been somewhat of a struggle for me.

So I’m sure you’re wondering, “well if you like being around people so much, why did you travel alone?!” Great question. Here’s the answer:  It all kind of just happened.

It was the end of June,  my “25 by 25 goal” was quickly approaching and I needed to figure things out. And FAST. If you don’t know what I’m talking about get up to speed here..

I also, had this BURNING desire to just explore and find my happiness again. I wasn’t my happy go lucky self anymore. I couldn’t live in the silver linings like I once had. I could feel my happiness and identity slipping away, and the more and more I let it happen, the less I knew how to get it all back. I didn’t know what to do, so in a panic, I bought a round trip ticket to Belize, and with no plans, I packed my bag & left the country. Classic me move.

Once I arrived at the airport, I kinda had a mini freak out. Like WHAT IN THE WORLD did I just do?!? Who am I going to talk to?? What if I’m alone for the ENTIRE time?! The security line was long, and here it was, my first moments of silence..

I had an unBELIEZEable during my weeklong excursion. Not only did I accomplish my most sought after travel goal, but I also Made new friends from all around the world (one of my most favorite parts of travel).. I could go on and on, but I already did that…Come with me to paradise, here.

Getting back on track and back into the airport, the silence was something I had to get used to. It was uncomfortable, but the kind of uncomfortable that came from growing and learning.

I noticed without all the extra stimulators, I was, for the first time, able to fully focus on myself. I scanned my body, I was able to pin point tension and release it. I could hear my own thoughts, I was able to be still, both my body and my mind..  Wuuuuuuuuut?

I kept to myself for most of the way to Belize. Not my typical M.O but it felt right so I went with it. I read books, journaled, listened to music & thought about what I was going to do once I arrived.

When I got off the plane I told myself, “this trip is for you and you alone”. I promised to follow my intuition, no matter where it took me.

Seems easy right? Like I’m just supposed to do everything I want to do, and not take anything else into consideration. Well, let me tell you, it’s harder than it sounds.

Before I left California, each decision I needed to make in my life started to feel like a life or death. Every. Single. Time. Fun right?

😐 I was so indecisive. I couldn’t tell you what I liked, what I didn’t like. I couldn’t tell you a time frame, an opinion, nope, nada, nothing. I was so concerned about everything & everyone else around me, I was loosing my own thoughts and opinions on nearly everything..

That’s sad. And that’s definitely not who I am.

But, I am proud to say, once I landed in Belize, I kept my promise. I walked up to strangers and made friends, I went on activities.. ALL ALONE, I walked around in my swimsuit, I danced all night, I sang out loud, I shared my story, i said yes, I breathed yes. I felt, ahhhhh JUST YESSSS!!! I followed my heart, or my gut, or that little voice in my head, whatever you want to call it.

The more consistent I listened, the louder and stronger my intuition grew. This little internal sprout grew into a thriving vine overnight, embracing my soul with its new life and growth.

I was making decisions. I was confident in my choices. No second guessing! I stuck to time frames, confirmed plans and spontaneously explored when I felt like it. I learned to live life as Christina again.

The feeling of coming back to yourself, is something I’m still working on putting into words. It’s Indescribable.

But I thank this trip, and traveling alone, for bringing me back to myself. Maybe it was the crystal clear water. Or the good vibes of the Belizean people. But my best guess if re-self discovery because, for the first time in my life, I experienced 100% independence.

I thank travel for constantly transforming me into a better version of myself. I am forever grateful for the people I have met, the places I have been and the experiences I have lived through.

There’s never enough learning or growing.

…. && now off to the next adventure ✈️

C

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