I’m working on being a super human. Not superhuman.

I have a strong inkling I’m not the only one who’s on the self- improvement path. Especially in the conscious world we live in today.. and if you’re not on the path, maybe you’ve thought about it, or know someone who’s “on it” right now. Either way, what I’m trying to say is, I feel like this topic is relatable to a lot of people. We are all striving to be our best selves and live our best lives.

But,

What does being our best self even mean? And how do you go about life living it and feeling awesome all the time ? How do we just become enlightened ?

In the age of information, we seem to know it all, or at least have access to it all.  We have books, experts, studies, theories, beliefs, know-it-all’s… etc. We have all the information we “need” to “EXACTLY” be what we want to be.

If we just do everything the “right way” under this invisible and unrealistic timeframe it is possible! But, hey, no pressure. And don’t stress! It won’t work if you’re stressed.

Anyways,

I try to start my mornings with an uplifting and inspiring meditation. I journal, try to affirm and be grateful for it all, I’m working on remembering to smile, I create my to-do lists, three separate ones actually. One for my personal self. One for my “9-5”. And one for my “side hustle”. Nbd. I’m not not alone with all the to do lists, right ? Hah. And the unnerving anxiety to get t all done..

Now please, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE self-improvement. But, I want to share my experiences, both good and bad, during my first trip down this road. Basically.  I wanna share what I wish I would have known the first time around..

We all have this end goal, or “end vision” of who we want to be and how our lives will look like, you know like,  If life worked the way we wanted it to… I know I had that vision, I still do.

I wanted to be enlightened, mindful, calm, rational, wise, flexible (both physically and mentally), a yoga master, a conscious member, a change maker, an inspiration, a visionary, a world traveler, a good daughter, sister, friend, significant other, community member, I wanted to know it all, and have it all ;I wanted to be a success (whatever that means)…

I started by diving into any self-help book. Since I believed my entire self needed to be helped. I read and read and read. Soaked in all the info. I did yoga. But it got expensive. So I hopped around studios, when they had deals, and practiced on my own.  I meditated, well tried to consistently. I started creating, it didn’t care what it was, I just wanted to create, because something was better than nothing. I basically “threw shit at the wall” & waited to see what stayed… I made list after list, trying to check off one step per “goal”, per day.

HA. Writing this, looking back, I now realize how silly I sound.. I had complete unrealistic expectations of myself. No one can be all those great and sought after things in just a few short weeks of constant dedication to a few to-do lists… no matter how passionate one was.

I went on like this for a few months. Until it all came crashing down. I was ashamed in myself. Disgusted and disappointed.. I couldn’t believe my efforts weren’t transforming me and my life. Ugh. I didn’t understand why. Was I a phony?!  I mean I stressed out ALL the time to get this stuff done. I practically tortured myself day in and day out to get every little thing done.

But that was it. I realized I was falling into a self-help downward spiral, && I believe many of us do.

We fall into this self-help, for lack of abetter word, torturous, cycle. We want to do all these great things. But fill our mind with hate, negativity and horrible self talk when we can’t accomplish it all. Or, we judge ourselves when we see others who are  “getting more done” or becoming some cosmic goddess, and living a life you “wish you had”…

Great changes and insight can’t flow through when your focused on what you haven’t accomplished and what you still need to get done. Huh. What. A. Concept.

I took a step back and paused all the “self-help” rituals I had set in place. I needed to understand where these desires where coming from and clearly decide what action to take after my genuine reflection.

I put “self-help” on the back burner for a while & jumped into anything that “called to me”. bye bye to-do lists. Adios organization. I tried a variety of activities, some I loved, others I will not be trying again. I explored.

After a while, my mind began to yearn for its morning meditations once more. My body ached to practice yoga in the studio again. My intuition was starting to rise up once more. My choices we’re becoming more clear and bettering myself didn’t feel so overwhelming, on top of trying to survive every day life. This felt more like it…

I’ve been reading “The White Hot Truth”, by Danielle Laporte & let me just tell you, this book is phenomenal and has definitely helped me in more ways than I thought was possible.

This book has so many truths, like all the truths. Here’s one of them they quite frankly, inspired this post..

“It was too much flow and not enough restraint. I was a river in need of some riverbanks. I overpaid people, because Love is generous. I let shoddy behavior slide because, Love is forgiving. I put off getting a lawyer, because Love is reasonable.”

This quote really inspired the way I saw self-help, quite frankly, changed my self help path towards a healthier and more genuine direction.

I’m not there yet, but I’m on my way.

Thanks for walking with me

C

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